Bearded Dragon Attacks Local Author in Apparent Case of Mistaken Identity

A gentle breeze ushered in what seemed like a peaceful evening at the Bunch residence. At approximately 8:34, Michael Bunch, owner and proprietor of the new digital publication, bunchiesblog777.com fed his pet bearded dragon Sandy Koufax mealworms after giving him a smorgasbord of greens for Sandy’s “staple”. As the owner fumbled through the sawdust containing the soon to be lizard snacks, Mr. Koufax, the assailant, later identified as “Sandy the Dandy” by authorities reached out with his tongue to eat the worms that were still in the container. The victim did not realize the strength of his bearded dragon and paid little attention to the increasingly loud slaps against the clear worm container made by Mr.. Koufax’s tongue until Koufax struck Mr. Bunch’s finger with a fair amount of force. Mr. Bunch chastised Mr. Koufax which Mr. Koufax seemed to interpret as a threat, as he then latched onto Mr. Bunch’s entire index finger and refused to let go sawing a piece of flesh of Mr. Bunch’s hand. Mr. Bunch rushed to the bathroom sink to rinse the wound with soap and water. Luckily Mr. Bunch’s faithful girlfriend, used her expert veterinary knowledge, to assure Mr. Bunch he would indeed survive this attack.

Mr. Koufax showed little remorse for his actions, going to bed shortly after the incident. Mr. Koufax’s lawyers have stated that they believe the incident to be a case of mistaken identity due to Mr. Koufax’s very poor eyesight. His official statement declared that he thought Mr. Bunch’s finger to be a large delicious worm. The arraignment will take place in two weeks time and will be presided over by judge Panda “Pandolones” the local magistrate.